Lvrgrl’s Weblog

The Year of the Vampire
January 5, 2009, 3:40 pm
Filed under: literature | Tags: ,

The special thing about Twilight is you can read it without really reading. Alls you got to do is dart your eyes over the pages and pick a few words here and there. Ah, but how it gives you that sense of calm and cozy anyway; the thick glossy book and the chunk at the back slowly getting thinner and thinner as you suck down Mormon morals with ever voracious turn of the page.

This book is so bad. I’m sad to admit that I have curled up in bed with something so mediocre – something that brought me such little pleasure in the moment but that I held onto regardless. And all for an empty promise to be completely consumed, forever hinted at but never realized.

Pretend like you’re protagonist, Bella Swan. Now imagine a world where Edward Cullen, ultimate bad boy and driver of fast cars is all: if you don’t watch out, I’m going to eat you alive and suck up every bit of your independent life. Then you will be exactly like me. In the meantime, I’m going to watch your every move and make you think you can’t exist without me. In exchange for this love so dangerous and so potent, you’ll get to share nothing with your peers.

And now you’re supposed to be all: SIGN ME UP! FOREVER! Oh, and should you second guess this contract with the devil, beware. Your new boyfriend comes with a family of mind readers and sooth sayers so you’ll probably never escape. Thankfully your own dad is too busy letting you cook and clean for him to notice you’ve gone and married the dark lord.

Boys, I beg of you. Read this book. Revolt in numbers! Down with Edward! Only you can replace this ghost of a man with something really worth holding out for. Or is your fear of women really so great that you will be forced to control your own venomous passion by threats of the everlasting? Come down to earth with a body that is ready to share in the here and now!

…Off to the vault to procure the last three books series.

thx andrea for unleashing the wrath.


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