Lvrgrl’s Weblog

The Year of the Vampire
January 5, 2009, 3:40 pm
Filed under: literature | Tags: ,

The special thing about Twilight is you can read it without really reading. Alls you got to do is dart your eyes over the pages and pick a few words here and there. Ah, but how it gives you that sense of calm and cozy anyway; the thick glossy book and the chunk at the back slowly getting thinner and thinner as you suck down Mormon morals with ever voracious turn of the page.

This book is so bad. I’m sad to admit that I have curled up in bed with something so mediocre – something that brought me such little pleasure in the moment but that I held onto regardless. And all for an empty promise to be completely consumed, forever hinted at but never realized.

Pretend like you’re protagonist, Bella Swan. Now imagine a world where Edward Cullen, ultimate bad boy and driver of fast cars is all: if you don’t watch out, I’m going to eat you alive and suck up every bit of your independent life. Then you will be exactly like me. In the meantime, I’m going to watch your every move and make you think you can’t exist without me. In exchange for this love so dangerous and so potent, you’ll get to share nothing with your peers.

And now you’re supposed to be all: SIGN ME UP! FOREVER! Oh, and should you second guess this contract with the devil, beware. Your new boyfriend comes with a family of mind readers and sooth sayers so you’ll probably never escape. Thankfully your own dad is too busy letting you cook and clean for him to notice you’ve gone and married the dark lord.

Boys, I beg of you. Read this book. Revolt in numbers! Down with Edward! Only you can replace this ghost of a man with something really worth holding out for. Or is your fear of women really so great that you will be forced to control your own venomous passion by threats of the everlasting? Come down to earth with a body that is ready to share in the here and now!

…Off to the vault to procure the last three books series.

thx andrea for unleashing the wrath.


Audacity of Pleasure
October 13, 2008, 1:53 pm
Filed under: literature, travel | Tags:

EAT PRAY LOVE, a review:

Don’t listen to Oprah or the millions of ladies nodding their heads to the tune of spiritual renewal. The reason this book resonated for millions of American women is because it’s actually about sex. Alternate title: No Sex, No Sex, Sex – a tale of eight months of pain and four months of pleasure. It tells us what every woman wants to hear: good sex is at most, one year and a million miles within your reach.

The real story here is one of a woman who hadn’t been properly laid in a long time and so when someone gives her (and yes, you can GIVE an orgasm) four orgasms in a day and doesn’t care if she doesn’t shave her legs in exchange, she falls in head over heels, even if he is a 51 year old man with an ex wife and three kids who lives oceans away from her home. Then again, maybe it was all her intense yoga that made her open to love.

As the first few pages of this memoir reveal, Gilbert leaves her husband and shortly after decides to travel through Rome, Bali and India seeking nourishment for the soul and the battered ego. After confiding that she’s not going to dish about the fallout of her marriage, aside from admitting that a big suburban house and a kid might just not fulfill her after all, she goes on with a few ragged details about a bad relationship gone worse held close due to glimmers of intimacy through a view otherwise blocked by the sheen of tears. And then, with a fat advance from her publisher, she’s off.

The first section, on Rome, is highly skimmable. Gilbert turns down all opportunities to do “it” when she’s there – choosing to remain platonic with her dark and stormy Italian language partner. India fares a bit better, with entertaining bits starring a reformed Texan cowboy who talks a little like Sawyer from Lost and uses nicknames like “groceries” and otherwise tells it like it is. Unfortunately, this man is only a spiritual partner; an easy American there to guide her through the ways of the Ashram.

Things finally pick up when Gilbert gets to Bali. (Flip to the back and you’ll find the word “he” sprinkled throughout, and not a with a capital “H.”) The he is of course another dark but calm before the storm sort of man who is totally happy to give her the world and expect nothing in return. What a let down. This woman has in fact become so self fulfilled that just when she needs nothing she gets it all. Well, goody for her. Elizabeth Gilbert may swear by her travel guide to transcendence but you’d have a better chance of inspiring self-actualization from tackling Obama’s ‘The Audacity of Hope.’

*edited by Carolyn Murnick

The Reader
May 28, 2008, 2:25 am
Filed under: literature | Tags:

It took me more then one try to get into this one but once i made it past the first sex scene i was hooked. This story begins with an affair between a fifteen year old boy and a thirty something year old women and then doubles back to matters more serious and complex. If I knew this book was about the Holocaust at all, I wouldn’t have picked it up. But then I also went to Berlin without going to the Holocaust museum. And I’ve never seen Schindler’s List.

The Reader is able to address the Holocaust the same amount of distance and discomfort. The narrator is a German coming to terms with the action of his parents generation – a weight my Jewish American family can’t bear to acknowledge. My interest in German culture has always been more attuned to what German kids are like, rather then the country’s identity. This book lets you in and even uses the Holocaust to discuss more general themes like alienation, fate, and the moral responsibility in love. Sarah – you get it next!